pinakidion.*

An interesting article on the history of shepherding or ‘discipling’ can be found here.

My question is how then can the needs of individuals get met. I’m still searching for good ideas in that realm.

You know, I’ve had a chance to listen to several messages from Chicago. The ones I’ve heard have been really good and I have enjoyed them. I especially enjoyed Dr. Reese’s exposition and lesson and I wrote him personally, to tell him so. I have craved hearing that kind of message in content and presentation. I also enjoyed Steve Staten’s presentation and I appreciated the five things he believes and all his work in meeting with people to work things out. You know, there’s saying words to weigh in your opinion and then there’s flying to talk to Henry and to Thomas and to others. That kind of thing is something that can build trust in me personally, so hearing those messages are a tremendous help to me as I continue to heal.
I also enjoyed Gordon’s message as well. I have to give him credit for the leadership book he wrote with Wyndham Shaw. To be banned in San Francisco and privately derided is a tremendous risk to do the right thing instead of ‘tow the party line’. I don’t think that Gordon would say anything about the details of various reactions to the book, but I will. He took a lot of flack for that book from so-called leaders and World Sector Leaders and THE leader.
Another thing about Gordon’s message that I could understand and hold onto was the conditioning effect of culture. Things are done without question because that’s always what’s been done. Seeing a topic or issue in light of a philosophy instead of an assumed ‘right’ way of doing things is important in future discussion.

All in all, a nifty conference. I’m still glad I didn’t go, my upcoming marriage is simply more important. A part of me wishes that I could’ve gone because the big issue for me is trust. Trust is built by many things, one of them being time spent with others. I spend little time with some of the folks making grand pronouncements and I probably should. We’ll see what happens at the next Great Paperchase(tm) in Rome. I look forward to going and I can’t back out of it as I have already paid for the plane tickets and conference fees.

In listening to these messages, I believe that I have come to understand some of what my big issues with changes in our fellowship and the future of the so-called ICoC.

1. There are lots of words and few actions.
2. There is searching to understand things that have been obvious for quite some time.*
3. There is a perceived effort to be at peace first, unified second, then try to solve problems last.
4. A perceived reluctance to outside perspective.
5. The perceived search for global answers instead of local answers.

I think the first one is self-explanatory. We (me included) all love to talk and write and talk some more. At some point, though, talk should cease and actions should be taken. It’s seems that the talk is an effort to do the best right thing, but instead we are doing the worst NO thing. I believe that I personally can feel safe in my present church because there is an inherent understanding that is stated: ‘We will try many things and see if they are the best thing.’

My congregation is small, it’s easy to do this. Larger congregations, though, are by necessity more conservative. Who knows, maybe the answer for larger churches is to become several smaller churches.

I put an asterisk on the next point because this could just be me. In the messages I heard so far (there are more than those I listed earlier), I sense this search for an answer to “Why did all of this happen?” Henry said some things that were very true and the members of several churches knew it. Someone in leadership finally validated things we have seen and felt for years, so the problem was not us. In other words, the suspicions that something was really wrong about how we did things was not just motivated from an impure heart or impure motives. In essence, our consciences were heard for the first time.

Others have already done extensive research into our theological and structual shortcomings and strengths. Considering this body of work, it just sounds strange that various leaders would be surprised at what they are finding. It’s like the wheel is being re-invented over and over and my inital reaction is similar to “well - DUH”. For example, the militaristic structure and the lack of diversity in leadership styles seems quite apparent to me and those I know well. It makes me wonder just how insulated leaders were from what was really going on in our fellowship. To hear shock and amazement at things I’ve been living with for a decade feels like a waste of time. I know that it’s not a waste of time, though, because all of us have to come to grips in our own time. My time may be several years - sometimes I despair that it will be permanent.

The real issue I have are the priorities that I perceive in others. I firmly believe that if we try to make changes, peace and unity will follow. It is hard to see that everyone is trying to fight all the battles that could possibly come up before a change is implemented in a vain attempt to make changes go smoothly. Most of the reactions I read affirm unity, praise peace and minimize differences by using the word ‘challenging’. This could just be me, again, I’m working out my thoughts and feelings, not proscribing a course of action to save our fellowship. My goals are not to be unified above all else. We can have perfect unity and still have bad doctrine and worse structure. We had the closest thing to ‘perfect unity’ before and the results of that are well-documented. I do not want to be at peace by being nice and accepting those different than me - not before some real change is implemented. I live my day to day life accepting people where they are at and assuming nothing from them. Ask my fiancee, my friends, my minister, and my co-workers. I truly believe that I have to earn someone’s trust and respect, I do not demand it. All of this, ‘be at peace with each other’ stuff just sounds like be nice. I don’t want to be nice when things are still broken and people are still hurting and shattered. I can’t be nice when future disciples live through the things I went through even AFTER all this talk of change. It just seems like a misplacing of priority.

It’s truly simple to me. If we learned how to do church and manage people the way we did, we can change old habits and practices into new ones. It took time and effort and a different culture to change our pre-church methods to the methods we used for so long. It took a change of influence from pre-church friends and family to new friends and family. Why is it so hard to believe that we change from military style of leadership to servant style of leadership by getting new friends and family?

I’m guilty of trying to be global despite all my protests. I think that I am going to change focus. I’m not going to look to why did this happen in our churches. Instead, why did this happen in the Omaha Church of Christ. There’s too many variables and specific situations for a global solution. Besides, what works in one place, will not work in others. I think our theology needs to change globally, but all conjectures on polity should be kept local. How much better would a conference be if we stopped talking about the global event (HKL) and started talking about what we do in our individual congregations. Sparks will fly and all of that, but I wouldn’t consider it a bad thing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we still have former ‘Kingdom’ teachers and elders acting like it. They should act like local teachers and elders. Besides, it will allow the local congrgation to take care of themselves, like they should have all along. It’s not easy (I can attest to that!) but it’s all part of growing up. I have to give credit to Sam Laing, though. He hasn’t been doing much writing and speechifying about our global problems. When I spoke to him, it was about Triangle. Nowadays, he takes care of Athens and the AIM school. I’m sure he has opinions about it, I look forward to listening to his message on grace. However, he hasn’t set himself up publically as the next great hope, just as a minister taking care of his congregation, though he just so-happens to have a global influence.

Anywho, that’s what I working through in my mind. There’s still more. For example, discipling is a philosophy not a biblical truth, but I may never get around to writing about that. Too much to do at work and I’ve already taken too much time on this.

“By God’s power and with his blessings, I don’t care how much criticism may come from some in my fellowship or in yours: we - will - do - what - is - right - here.” - Jack Reese

Specifically dealing with false teachers:

link

I was asked to lead our thoughts in communion on Sept 19th. It was one of those things where the minister and I were on the same page. We recently changed format, so I asked how it was going to work under the new format. I also asked about content, because I just wanted to be sure. He and I both agreed that communion can focus way too much on the fact that Jesus died and a focus on our own sins. Communion in the first century was a feast!

At the same time, my rommate and I are trying to get things working for making digital recordings and pressing CDs. So, here is my communion from Sept 19th. The scripture reference at the end was Hebrews 10.

ILC OPENS Mike Taliaferro receives a long, standing ovation
from attendees at the opening session this morning of the
2004 International Leadership Conference. His message
stresses the courage to preach both grace and truth, a call to
forgive and heal, and to “dream again”. He calls on church
leaders to support DT, HOPE, and AIM, to train “a whole new
generation of men and women” in the ministry, to resume
planting new churches, and to financially support existing
mission churches.

from icocinfo.org

Dislike: HOPE
I asked HOPE some simple direct questions and never got an answer at all. Not a peep. I wasn’t mean and I wasn’t angry. Before the publishing of the 2003 form 990, I asked for the following information:

• How many non-board employees that are not officers will make over 50,000?
• What are the top five salaries of folks not officers and not on the board?
• Who are the board members and what are their salaries?

It was information that was going to be public. I think at least we could have gotten a “we don’t know”. As I discovered later, they really may not have had any way to answer these questions until they started their tax returns. But there was NO answer despite my minister’s repeated questions. Oh well.

Besides that the financial information of the World Sectors and HOPE Worldwide have NEVER been addressed in any forum. We focused all our energy on how we treated each other and minister salaries, but never went much higher up. I didn’t want to believe it, so I didn’t either for a long time. We have shaken up staff, world, national, regional and local governance, but nothing about the money. I can forgive Bob for getting angry at the last Leadership seminar in Dallas, but I won’t forget the demand for money, the doom-saying “we’re going to shut down in a month if giving doesn’t pick up”, nor the indignation that anyone would question HOPE. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Even if HOPE has reformed its money handling issues (and I believe that changes are being made), there are more avenues than HOPE to give to worldwide missions. A friend of mine here led a church in Asia and experienced first hand the kinds of financial abuses that occurred. Next weekend there is a conference right here in Nebraska that presents these options. If we do not explore these other options, we will never learn new and possibly better ways to acheive our goals. They cover many of the same topics, but even more in-depth ones that we never covered in missions conferences.

Ambivalent: DisciplesToday
As far as DT goes, I can support it, even if I don’t like it. It’s a personal preference thing for me because of how it reads. I never liked KNN videos, so I have no interest in DT videos. Like I said, though, it’s just me and nothing bad on Roger or any of the other folks that work for DT. My father, who is not a part of the ICC and never was, loves the videos and uses them in his Methodist church for his Adult Bible Study group.

Like: AIM
Like is not the same as overwhelmingly endorse. However, it’s a step in the right direction. It’s similar to an effort in Mexico by a brother named Arturo. Being an education person and working in a school district, I’m probably biased about any kind of school activity. However, the value of a good education cannot be underrated. I trust one of the main teachers there to be different because he has proven all over the world that his is willing to ‘think ouside the box’.

It is a different avenue than through the chain of command of the World Sector corporations, and for that reason, it should be commended on principle. I haven’t taken any classes from there, so I don’t feel totally right in discussing their content.

My minister is attending college at a evangelical university here in town and the benefits to the congregation here have been great. We’re currently going through a study of 2 Timothy that is truly unlike any series I have heard on the subject. It is inspiring, challenging, and affirming. I hope to have it on the website soon - the sound crew has mastered digital recording.

In any case, a good school can be a part of making some real change. AIM does have some of the same old faces, and that is a problem they will have to overcome. I figure it this way: they will not misteach Matt 6:33, Matt 28:18-20, Acts 11:26, or even Romans 16 (we are churches of christ).

Last thing
Pretty glad I didn’t go, at least reading about it allows me to get away from the cheering mob. In any case, you know, I’m not anti-evangelism. I’m anti-ICC-proselytizing. There are still lost people in the world and in the United States. God is speaking to them just like he speaks to me.

Planting churches is all well and good, but do we really know how to do that yet? We ignored all our problems before by focusing on the plantings. I pray we do not repeat the same mistake again. My church would like to plant another city, mainly because we have people driving an hour each way to get here. Besides that, it would be good to involve local churches in that effort. However, it may be a couple years before we can do that. Some of it is money, some of it is just that we need to get ourselves in order, first.

Interesting so far, I hope to hear more from the conference.

I am a little sad to be missing MOAC 2004. However, it’s the best thing to do for me. I have to choose what I’m going to give my energy to, and spending my time butting heads with some and laughing with others is too much of a rollercoaster for the kid. Really, I’d like it, but I’d come home so stressed I couldn’t see straight.

32 days until the wedding and I am still excited. I love the pre-marriage counseling we are getting and I think it shows a tremendous change in thinking from old ICC pre-marriage counseling. IN the old days, it was about making your wedding an evangelistic event. The entire church was invited and you got free help with everything. It’s interesting that the topics of the old way were basically the same, but the execution is so much different. Talking about expectations of marriage now is Laryssa and I communicating with each other. Under the old system, it was a chance to be told what was important and why. Talking about budget then was to make sure you were giving 10% and staying out of debt. Now, it’s just a way to keep out of debt. There are more sessions, but I think the point is made.

Having a safe place to discuss things frankly and openly is a truly wonderful experience for me. Being able to discover what’s right for us with guidance (not dictation) is really helpful to us. I was nervous about it and thought about NOT having the ‘pre-marriage counseling’, but I’m glad I did. It’s not because it’s a throwback to the old ways, and it’s not because I enjoy finding the good in the way we used to do things. I do not believe that there was anything good about our old system because our old system’s fundamental principle was flawed. What I have found and been reaffirmed in, is that there are good and wise people. Good and wise people know when to push, when to pull, and when to do nothing. I get tempted to believe that because I come from a bad system that no one can be good that has survived that system.

Don’t get me wrong. good people + bad system + bad theology = evil. Bad systems and bad theology corrupt character and thinking. The system and theology still need to change. I’m just glad to find people that have overcome a bad system and bad theology.

But I’m still up to some good, you know. I’ve been doing a lot of writing, just not here.

• My cousin has written a piece about the Iraqi attack on the USS Stark during the Iran-Iraq war

I wrote him a pretty good review, I think. I pointed out a couple things, but after the military jargon, I found it a compelling read. It really provides some insight into some of our politics in the region, especially considering that many officials at the time are in office under somewhat different titles. Gotta love the Bush recycling program.

• Assignment for pre-marital counseling

2500+ words on what I expect from our marriage, that’s enough to keep anyone busy. Granted, I wanted to write more, but for some reason, I really couldn’t. I think I’m being really naive.

• Going to MOAC 2004

Thanks to a friend that’s in town on work-related business, I have a place to stay. I had thought about not going because of the expense, but assuming that it’s okay with my fiancee, I should be on my way. I apologize to my friends that asked me to make a MOAC shirt.

• No Deacon Payne

I was nominated by a fairly strong margin, but I felt I wasn’t qualified. I wrestled over this for some time, but after discussions with the Adivsory Group and my minister, is was decided that now is not the right time - and I wholeheartedly agree.

• Road Trip to Sioux City, IA

What’s in Sioux City, Iowa? The closest Chick-Fil-A(r) to Omaha, Nebraska, that’s what. I realize that a road trip to go to Chick-Fil-A(r) sounds silly, but it’s bonding time, dude! My good friend and I haven’t had a road trip in a long time. We’re due.

• The latest from Thomas

Two things:context and method.
1. Confessing sins is necessary - to the one you sinned against and God, not just to a given person, certainly not one that has been assigned to be your best friend. James 5:16 does not say confess your sins to someone, anyone, pick a person, any person. In context, it talks about confessing to the one who you sinned against.
2. You can deal with sin by telling the Bible Talk leaders that they need to discuss this with their group. I realize that it steals thunder away from the lead evangelist and could take longer, but it leads to real repentance and not a manipulative control tactic. It’s not being soft on sin to delegate and it certainly isn’t soft to give people a healthy environment to share in. Besides, it might teach the Bible Talk leaders to think for themsleves a bit.

• Disciple as a verb

Disciple is not a verb, it’s a noun. The word is mathēteuō - it’s a verb meaning “to make a student”. Linguistically, English uses phrases and word order to inflect meaning, not word endings like Greek. In English, it has to be two words, in Greek, you can say it in one. Teach is an active verb but the Greek word is passive. A fine distinction, I know, but teach is not an exact match, but close enough to convey the meaning. Anyway, the NIV didn’t translate spoudazō (literally ‘make haste’) as “effort” in Eph 4:3. We don’t say ” Effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” The noun is spoudē as used in Luke 1:39. If Eph 4:3 was meant to have the noun form, God, Luke, and Paul certainly know Greek well enough to use the right word.
Don’t believe that it’s a linguistic issue? Check the Spanish - every translation I can find online (Reina-Valera 1960, Nueva Versión Internacional, Reina-Valera 1995, Dios Habla Hoy, Reina-Valera Antigua, Biblia en Lenguaje Sencillo, La Biblia de las Américas, Castillian) translates it into two words. hagan (o haced) discupulos.

But I’m still up to some good, you know. I’ve been doing a lot of writing, just not here.

• My cousin has written a piece about the Iraqi attack on the USS Stark during the Iran-Iraq war

I wrote him a pretty good review, I think. I pointed out a couple things, but after the military jargon, I found it a compelling read. It really provides some insight into some of our politics in the region, especially considering that many officials at the time are in office under somewhat different titles. Gotta love the Bush recycling program.

First of all, I have to say that I do not like the term Dwarf or Elf. Instead, the generic term for the dwarves would be Duwergan and the generic term for Elves will be Ilosian. There will be various other names for different ethnicities within these two species.

Two rather strange ideas came to mind - one about each species.

The Duwegan are basically an underground species. They dig tunnels, they are great miners and great blacksmiths. In a real sense, they are truly people of the earth. I got to thinking that a culture prone to be underground would have evolved a diet quite different than humans or any other above-ground species. Sure, they would have vegetables and protien sources. They’d have fat and oil sources as well. However, they would not necessarily have had grains or dairy. Considering that two major food groups were unavailble to them, I thought the Duwegan that first contacted humans (or any other sentient species) would be fascinated by simple things like bread and cheese.

For some reason, that seemed like a great disadvantage, so I thought about them having some sort of weird grain that grew underground. In exploring that idea, however, I couldn’t find a satisfactory grain plant. Then it occured to me that potatoes and cassava would be natural starches that they could grow. That would mean that they’d have their own version of bread and all sorts of things (potato bread), but it left out dairy. Dairy is almost entirely derived from animal milk and I wasn’t sure what could be done. So what I decided to do was make the Duwegan skilled cheesemakers, but that the cheese they make is quite rare and difficult to make. Think about how much milk a burrowing animal produces (as opposed to a cow or goat) and you can see where I’m going with this.

In order to prevent any species from suffering from a marked stereotype, this is an uncommon talent, but one that would provide some diversity to the Duwegan. I figured that ‘a duergar cheese’ would be a common phrase to mean something that was very good and very rare.

As far as the Ilosians are concerned, the idea about them was a bit different. Basically, in a world where part of every continent has areas where magic does not work and all Ilosians have a life-force type connection with the power of magic, I could not imagine them simply confining themselves to magic-enabled lands. Some uncontent Ilosian had to look at their lot in life and try to figure out a way for him or her to survive in a non-magic land.

That’s when it occured to me. Since magic is enabled by a crystalline type substance (adamite) , an Ilosian may be able to ingest this substance to maintain their ‘connection’ with the force of magic. But I wasn’t satisfied that they would have to carry a ton of magic with him/her in order to visit a non-magic area for a day or two. Then it occurred to me that if their internal physiology was different, maybe they wouldn’t have to.

Assuming that Ilosians were somehow evolved from birds, they would have a type of gizzard that would help break down food (instead of powerful acids like the human body produces). Thinking this way, an Ilosian could swallow a small pebble into their gizzard that would last quite awhile and also help them break down their food. This seemed to make the most sense.

Anywho, those are my ideas.

A few things have happened this weekend that provide me some perspective. I got a mild ear infection early Friday that progressively got worse. Part of it getting worse was a small cut in my ear that created some bleeding, most of it was just trapped fuilds of one kind or another.

In short, no fun for the kid this weekend.

I have, however, gotten a chance to be alone and to get some much needed quiet.

I realized that I quit writing about my fantasy world and was seriously tempted to get sucked into something that is not worth fighting for. I also found that I have true friends and a wonderful fiancee. It’s good to know that you are loved: it has been God’s message all along. Granted, the modern American concept of love is quite different than the ancient Hebrew concept of love, but the point is still valid. God loves me.

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.
1 Timothy 4:16 NASB

Change is a word much discussed in our fellowship of churches, but not always well-defined. It seems that all parties want it, but do not agree on its nature. I talk about change and the lack of it quite often. Coming soon is a good first chance for everyone to discuss what this means for them; I hope and pray for success.

When I think about our church life, it makes me think of our idiosyncratic culture. I think that other church groups have duplicated some aspects of our culture, but we had a unique combination of thoughts and attitudes the require some thought. Here are the aspects of our culture that I believe shaped the overall ICoC culture:

• A culture of hierarchal control
• A culture of uniformity and conformity
• A culture of favortism and nepotism
• A culture of youth
• A culture of evangelism
• A culture of superlatives
• A culture of icons and tokens
• A culture of emotional experience
• A culture of money
• A culture of Americanism

Not all of these are negative, although they may at first glance. I don’t think having a culture of youth is entirely a bad thing and having a culture of evangelism can be a good thing. Even having a culture of emotional experience can be a positive thing at times. I think there is room to maintain the so-called positive aspects of our culture while addressing the fundamentals issues that need attention.

A culture of hierarchal control

I reacted to an article written by Gordon Ferguson to work some things out in my mind. Little did I know that I was going to stir up something. In some way, I guess more people read here than I thought. I got a 3.5 page rebuttal from one person emailed to me, I got more than a few “thank yous” from others, I had a conversation from a dear friend that was with me through all of my deprogrammings, and I even got a note from Gordon, himself.

I honestly had no idea.

Here’s the rub: I want to be proven wrong. I truly want someone to demonstrate to me that I am totally wrong and reactionary. It would honestly feel a lot better than what I feel at this moment. However, little has truly changed in our fellowship of churches, so how can I move on? What am I moving on from? In a broader sense, what are people supposed to be moving on from? Although it’s not intended, when I hear all these leaders say “it’s time to move on” and see little change, what I hear is “I’m tired of hearing criticism, let’s be happy again.” Again, I’m sure it’s not the intended message of any of these leaders and many have said so.

There’s more to it than both sides are missing, I’m sure.

Lots of things going on, basically, I haven’t had much time to myself to process things over the past week. As always, I’ll write them out here so that I can get back to life.

Last night, I turned down an appointment to be a deacon. This deacon was entrusted with teaching, but also with training in righteousness. In other words, it was more than just academic study, there was an element of heart as well. I didn’t turn it down because I doubted my abilities. I also didn’t turn it down because of a lack of support of the church - I was one of the two obvious choices nominated by the congregation for this role. The reasons are more complex than that.

Largely, I just enjoy teaching the Bible and networking with other teachers. I do not enjoy being an administrator in any sense of the word. In many ways, I just want to be a ‘member’ of the church without being a ‘leader’ of the church. Being a leader requires more time than I have, especially as I want to focus on a more important priority, my fiancee. Like I said, it’s not that leadership is so much hard as time consuming. It’s that it’s not my full-time job.

More importantly, I feel it’s more important that a deacon is someone that is a bit more grounded than me. It’s not a lack of confidence, but a realization that I am not healed from my past. I am reactionary and the people of my church need and deserve someone that is not reactionary to every small article written by someone miles away. I’ll behave at MOAC 2004 and have a good time. I will probably write a lot about my experiences. However, the goal of this and any deaconate is the serve the people and demonstrate what it means to follow God, not what it means to stop being ICoC. Sometimes, those two things are the same, sometimes they are not: at the present moment, I cannot tell when they are not the same.

I am broken-hearted about it in a way. My tendency is to be angry at the things in my past life and blame them for taking one more thing away from me. The truth is that I am not entitled to be anything. I became a Christian expecting nothing but joyful at the promise of Heaven. That is all I truly need and I have been happy to be a Christian, especially over the past two years since arriving in Omaha. Being a family-oriented church, it has truly helped me to feel like family and to feel like I am not as weird as I perceive myself to be. The other truth is that I choose to give the things in my past power over me. Being a Christian is about overcoming and the book of Revelation covers that theme abundantly. It is more important to overcome than it is receive justice. Besides, as far as people are concerned, I have spoken to most of them. I wish that resolution in all cases was as easy as my resolution with Arthur Grayson. It hasn’t been, in part because Arthur is the only one that offered a sincere apology. In any case, my forgiveness should not be conditional because God’s forgiveness for me is unconditional. I truly believe that God will see justice done in my lifetime, but that is his business, not mine.

I am not cheated - I have a wonderful life in a not-so-busy city with a woman that loves me totally and completely from the heart. I truly have everything I need and more. In a way, I am glad to be able to focus on that for a while. Besides that, I have always been a proponent of National Get Over Yourself Day(tm) - God will preserve those that he has called, I am not the savior of the ICoC, the Omaha Church of Christ, or anyone else. I may serve as a deacon in the future, but now is not the right time for me.

Of course, all of this is subject to change.

More later, as always, there are good things going on that I didn’t have time to write about yesterday.

Keeping in mind the central thesis of ‘The Discipling Dilemma’ by Flavil Yeakly that the Boston Movement created an environment where everyone became more like and ESFJ, here is a link to the personality profile of the ESFJ.

Personally, I am an XNFP, I score the same Extroverted as Introverted.

Here is the ENFP

and here is the INFP

As quoted from the Chicago Church of Christ’s website

The staff of the Chicago church recently had an exciting opportunity to be spiritually enriched with a class titled Spiritual Formations in Ephesians. The class was presented by Dr. Richard Oster of the Harding Graduate School.

The recording of this class is available by following these links. (Presented in Windows Media Format.)

* Part 1 (Ephesians 1-3)
* Part 2 (Ephesians 4-6)

It’s a good lesson so far. I am listening to it as background while I’m attacking the demons of PeopleSoft Pension. I hope to take notes later this week.

In a broader sense, this is another example of outside help that is essential for any real change. Yes, Harding University is a conservative Church of Christ college and some of the biases of the conservative CoC comes out. However, three things stand out about the entire situation; the lesson was provided for free, it was presented to the leaders, it was from someone that was flown from outside.

As a person that espouses free software (free as in speech and free as in beer), anytime that wonderful material like this is available, I believe it should be made available to all. A small church like mine can’t get the calibre of folks from Harding or Abilene. I do hope to get someone from within town that will do similar things, but to have this for the enrichment of all is a good thing. Secrecy is abhorent and aberrant to the human mind; besides, everything is plain to God anyway, so why hide from a mere person or group of people? As a side note, I wish the Q&A had been recorded - that would have been most interesting.

It was presented to the leaders, and that brings out a temptation to assess motives. I wish that this lesson was done later this September at the Leadership Conference. I’ll hold off on thoughts of Reaganomic Spirituality(tm)(that changes in leadership trickle-down to the membership) and other things. Why? The entire event is a good thing: since the lesson is widely available, the intended audience is not so much a factor. Besides, by doing it this way, it allowed for a Q&A session that wouldn’t have been possible in a larger setting.

Lastly, I wonder if he was offered an honorarium. I wonder if he accepted it. I wish I could be there to hear his reaction. It’s a minor point in this context, but I had to admit the thought crossed my mind.

In any case, glory be to God that someone is looking to something outside the former ICoC. How cool is that?

A great Labor Day weekend of wedding planning. More on that in other posts.

I happened upon this link that sounds a bit familiar

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/local/longterm/library/mog/mgod8.htm

By the way, words in red are hyperlinks. It’s not always obvious by looking at them, though, so I posted the full link.

Oddly enough, Joesph Difato is back working on what was the ‘media arm’ of the Mother of God movement, called the word among us. Interesting food for thought. More later.

When an unclean spirit goes out of a person, it passes through waterless places looking for rest but finding none. Then it says, ‘I will return to the home I left.’ When it returns, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and live there, so the last state of that person is worse than the first.

Because this blog is a place to work out my thoughts, friends and family can get concerned that I am in misery all the time. No one has said anything about it to me, but in thinking about the above verse this morning and Colossians 3:1-2, it seemed important to work over in my mind some other areas of my past. Deprogram is an evocative word, but there are others, so I wanted to write about them as well.

brother
My brother is a strong individual physically and emotionally. From an early age, he has always sought to protect me from a lot of things (family strife, bullies, weird teachers, etc). He was (and still is) aware that I bring some conflicts on myself. He would tell me when I did, but he still defended me, even when I was clearly wrong. It’s not that he’d defend my actions, but he would always keep others away. He played line in high school footbal, so I have always seen him as a blocker for me.

There’s a reason that he is the best man at my wedding. It’s not that we talk all the time or that we are overly emotional. I don’t get to see him much when I am home and sometimes we have to deal with family conflict instead of just talking. But we are there for each other, it’s just the way it is. It doesn’t have to be discussed, reviewed, retaught, or reminded: we are brothers. It is simply a fact that our love for each other doesn’t ebb away over time, even though I am 1700+ miles away. It is a great comfort to know that our relationship will never change.

Proverbs talks about a friend that is closer than a brother and I believe I have finally found that friend. Along the way, though, I have found a precious few that are as close as my brother and I. My long-lost roommie in NC is one (Kurt) and Brian Broom in Okinawa is another. Of course, my current rommate, Shane, should also be included. He and my brother hit it off so well when they met that the family asks about ‘Junior’ when they call. When I think of these three, I remember some good memories of being a brother and feeling like a brother.

One time I was troubled about some crazy thoughts in my mind, so I went over to Brian’s dorm to talk about them with him. At this point I should add that it was about 3am when I decided this. I called him from the phone downstairs and said that I would like to talk as I am feeling overwhelmed. He had said “Ok” meaning “I’d love too, when do you want to talk later today?”. After he said “Ok”, I replied that I was downstairs waiting. We left Sullivan dorm and went down to the railroad tracks to talk. I believe that it would be more accurate to say that this was a three hour monologue. Brian listened the whole time. When I was done, he hugged me and thanked me for trusting him with my heart. I remember seeing the sunrise over the tracks thinking that I really could start over and that my Christian life was not a complete waste.

Now, he never complained about the hour of the call or even commented in joking that I put him through the ringer that morning. He has said, though, that he didn’t understand quite a bit of what I was saying. He told me that after my ‘beautiful moment’ watching the sunrise. That doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that he was there for me when I needed him and I have never forgotten that. It had helped me have faith for over a decade since that morning.

He was also there for me when I was put on Move-In Status. For those that don’t know (or believe that it never happened), move-in status was a probationary period for members that moved from another congregation. The person on this status was not a member of the church, but could enjoy the privileges of membership. I had been away from the church for quite a while (see deprogramming part 2) and this was seen as a safety precaution for the rest of the church. Basically, I had to demonstrate that I was a disciple (notice the lack of htpd). It was a scary time for me, but the staff member I was working with and Brian truly believed in me.

I remember Mike (Gambeski) talking to both of us about how we could help each other and explored if Brian would be a good discipler for me. I really thought that Mike was going to say I had to have someone else; our reasoning of why we were good for each other didn’t sound like a good enough reasons to me. I was quite relieved when Mike’s only response was “this could be interesting, but you two are obviously close and that’s all that matters.”

Brian believed in me the whole time and told me so quite often. I went through six months of trying to prove to Mike and myself that I really was a Christian. Brian reminded me that I had nothing to prove to him - and that was greatly comforting. I was very anxious, but Brian always stood up for me. It was also during this time that Brian’s only rebuke to me was delivered.

What do you mean you’ve never heard of Goodberry’s?

When I first got to Omaha, I immediately looked for a place that served custard. There is nothing like a Chocolate Matled Concrete from Goodberry’s, but Culver’s can close pretty close. I pass by Culver’s pretty often and I think about Brian when I pass by.

Now as far as Kurt goes, there’s too many memories to work through here. Besides, you should ask him - he’s better at telling the stories. Let’s just say that I tend to add a small amount of the dramatic element when I tell them. You know, though, the Quest for the Shoney’s(r) is a good story and I think I can get it mostly right.

You have to understand that Kurt and I have been on and off roommates for many, many years. He was a college rommate of mine at the “Brothers II” place off O’Kelly street. Being the twin snorers, we were banished to our own room. Of course, the duct work piped in our cacophonic symphony directly into the other bedroom, so Bill would sleep right outside our door in the hallway. He said it was the quietest place in the house.

I used to have these two foot long pillows that I called my PR Ddevices(tm). PR stood for pillow rebuke. I had this perchant to hit people with the pillows, especially because they were long enough to go around corners. One day when Kurt was not in the best of moods, I took it upon myself to cheer him up with a good pillow strike to the face. He was sitting in the chair of power(+2) about to play with the three remotes when I launched my assault.

In looking back on the incident, I have to say that I was quite fond of poor judgement in those days. Kurt had no trouble pointing out the folly of my actions and suggesting alternate methods to entertain myself. That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about Kurt, he had a way of bringing me back to reality in a very firm, honest, and direct way. Dude, I love you, but I still laugh until I cry when I think about how mad you were after I hit you.

Maybe the Shoney’s(r) story can wait for now. I’ll be sure to mention it later, it was a bonding moment for all time. It’s true my memories with Kurt are different, it’s not like he wasn’t there for me at all over the years, he truly has been. It’s just that I remember Kurt as my brother quite differently. I think it’s because we shared a common weirdness. I still have the Hero Machine on my Windows parition because it’s just that cool. However, after the Red Fist of Vengenence(tm), I decided that my superhero creation days were pretty much done.

The word deprogram was first coined in 1973. The term brainwashing comes from the Mandarin phrase xinaoxi nao and was used to explain the Chinese Communists’ efforts in what we might refer to today as ‘thought reform’ during the Communist Revolution in 1949. These words are emotionally laden terms that contain implications of coercion, scarring, and loss of innocence. In reading about various definitions of deprogramming, I thought about my own actions as an unintentional deprogrammer recently. I was going to post about it, but then I thought about times in my life that I have been deprogrammed. At first, I thought it was only once, but in looking at the defintion, I have been deprogrammed, or more correctly stated reprogrammed three times in my life. Before talking about my initial reaction, here is the first of the three reprogrammings that I remember.

Introducing God

Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full. I tell you, not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.’

In my sophmore year in college, I was on the verge of flunking out. Actually, I knew I was going to flunk out because I had not been to class in over a year. I lied to my father about attending classes and about how things were going. I even went through the process of buying books and paying tuition, just so I could stay in the dorms. I was a brooding mess - I rarely left my room.

However, at the beginning of the spring semester, the effects of dragging myself out of bed to a Bible discussion group were beginning to take hold. I decided in late January of that year to finally attend Sunday church after two guys downstairs begged me to go for over a year. I found a group of people that were happy and that pretty much accepted me as I was. It was fun to be around people that actually loved life. I spent my nights wandering the park next to my dormitory. I probably scared a few homeless people sleeping there because of my skulking and/or screaming. Being around these happy people grated me to some extent, but it was because I wanted to avoid completely losing my mind. I was well aware that I was in a dark place.

I always thank God that my friends (and they are friends still) stood by me during this time. They encouraged me to pray and try anything to go to class and try to make up for a lack of attendance. I wished I had listened to them at that time. What I did listen to, however, was the personal times of Bible study we had off and on for almost 18 months. We had no disagreement about the definition of a Christian. After that study, I gladly confessed that I was not a Christian. They used the word disciple and insisted on my using it - in time, I did. Not only was I not a Christian, but I definitely was not a disciple(htpd). I was relieved to be honest about my so-called Christianity and strove to be genuine in everything. I knew that I was a liar and a fake: I just wanted to be something different. I wanted to be real like my friends.

We talked about the role of the Bible in our lives, and I eagerly began reading it again. I had studied it as a child, but never attained any insight until now. I was genuinely excited to read and to pray. I attended every service and loved to be around a group of people that lived Acts 2:42-44. It was a wonderful time.

Conversation moved on to darker areas of my life and I was reluctant to open up. I loved my friends, but I was convinced that my personal darkness was too much for them to handle. I truly loved them, but I thought of them as simple-minded. (At that time, I considered everyone simple-minded but me.) To my surprise, when I opened up a little bit about it, they were quite understanding. One of my friends understood some of my darkness very well and we would talk for hours. I still think fondly of this man, though he is no longer a part of my fellowship of churches. It was wonderful to open up about things that I had never shared with anyone before. It was a great relief to get all the pain off of my heart. To help me, I was encouraged to write it all down. In order to deal with the sin in my life, I was also encouraged to define a list of sins in the dictionary. I looked forward to continued discussion on this, but was chastised three times for not writing it down. The first time, I explained that I wanted to talk about it but not write it down. I was strongly encouraged to write these things down anyway. The second time, I was corrected (but not rebuked) by someone that was obviously exasperated with me. My two friends begged me to simply write everything down so that we could ‘move on’. (I knew that there was a study series and that I was part of the way through it. I had bragged to another person that I was ‘ahead’ of them in the studies. When she got baptized before me, I was openly angry and jealous.) I finally decided to do what they asked, if only to continue discussing my sin and darkness. When I arrived next time, I was shocked to hear the frankness of the others about their sin, but I was also encouraged to share without hesitation. However, when I did not confess that I was somehow addicted to masturbation, I was accused of being a liar, which I had openly confessed. I was grilled over and over about all manner of sexual deviancies, some of which I had never heard of. No one could believe that I simply did not think about sex all the time and I began to be scared that I was abnormal because of it. I again confessed of some heavy petting I did in high school trying to fit in. I had to give names and times and how many women had I done that to. When they realized that there wasn’t any other sexual sin to confess, I was then informed that I had possibly destroyed this woman’s chance of finding God because I was selfish. After more warnings and rebukes to be sexually pure, I was given an assessment of what my true sinful nature:

I was a liar and a cheat. I was an arrogant man that took pride in his own intelligence. I was prone to fits of rage when I didn’t get my way and used my rage as a weapon to intimidate others.

I wept bitterly at my own shortcomings, but was glad to finally discuss all the things on my heart. I asked if my anger was a sin and I remember something was said about fits of rage, but I don’t remember. They didn’t take my written treatise about my sin. I was encouraged to keep it to myself as a reminder of the spiritual struggle ahead. Tired and upset, I went back to my room and went to bed.

Over the next couple days I grappled with my own sin. I saw sin in everything I did and tried as hard as I could to ‘go about meekly’ like King Ahab. I said little, I moped about the park. I cried quite a bit. When we finally got together again, I was asked about my sin and I babbled on about something for the better part of an hour. I was so glad to see people that understood what I was feeling. We then read the Bible and talked about walking in the light and Heaven. What a relief! To talk about the good that God has planned for me and how God really loves me despite the ugliness of my sin. I had decided that 1 Peter 2 was the best chapter in the Bible. I was excited to be happy again and not hopeless like I had been the previous days. Church became more fun and I talked about ‘coming out of the darkness’ and becoming a disciple. I believed that I could do it and was grateful that God and His people believed in me.

One day when the other were preaching by the brickyard, I asked if I could join. While the others spoke gently and honorably, I was offended by the crowd’s indifference. When my turn came, I let them have it! I called them ’stone-hearted jokers’ that obviously didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. I was encouraged to stop speaking, but eventually had to be restrained. I truly did get carried away and I am embarassed that I ever did that. My friends were kind, though, and never made me feel guilty about losing control like that.

When I studied the Bible again, we talked about church and what it should be. I had seen the church and had no problem with identifying it as following the biblical pattern. There was love, relationship, and devotion to the Bible. It was fantastic and I wanted to be a part of it quite badly. A week later, we studied the ‘kingdom’ and although a bit odd, I enjoyed something that was finally more of an intellectual challenge. My background had no mention of the four kingdoms, nor about how history fit into the Old Testament. It was truly fascinating. I asked when I could be baptized and I was told the time was near; we just had to finish a couple more studies.

When we met again after my asking, the discussion was a difficult one - however, I was talking to the Lead Evangelist and my friends of two years, so I felt a strong desire to give them the benefit of the doubt. We talked about who is saved and who isn’t saved. I had no problem in admitting my own lack of salvation. I was emphatic that I wanted to be saved as soon as possible. ‘Look there’s water,’ I said, ‘what is your problem that you are waiting so long?’ However, the conversation went away from me and on to others. We reviewed all the studies we had gone through over the past months: the Word of God, Light and Darkness, the Church, and Discipleship. They explained that if only baptized disciple were going to saved (i.e. go to Heaven), then anyone else must logical be ‘not saved’ (i.e. go to Hell). This made sense to me, but was upset when we started naming names. We named whole congregations and churches at first, but then narrowed down to my grandparents and parents, my brother and my other relatives. We even talked about Mother Theresa at some point.

I have to admit that I was not comfortable in thinking about my parents as going to Hell. I especially was disturbed by the thought of everyone around me going to Hell. I knew that I had to save my family somehow and I might be able to help a few others as well. But I thought about that a lot. The man that introduced me to God, in fact, had never known him, I thought. I remembered my previous ‘baptism’ and got angry that no one told me the truth, especially the truth as my friends had presented it to me. Later, when I tried to save my family, I said a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. No one told me to say these things, I did it out of my own zeal and ignorance. My friends did comfort me, though, that they weren’t dead, so God would change their hearts eventually.

I had cold feet the day I was baptized, but my friend was encouraging and he said that he believed in me. I was afraid that like everything else in my life, I was going to give it six months and quit. I thought about the consequences of quitting and equated it to eternity in Hell and desolate loneliness on Earth. I quickly decided that Heaven was a much better option.

I have been a Christian ever since. Sometimes, I have even been a disciple(htpd). I am not upset that I became a Christian and I thank God everyday for the love of my friends and his mercy that I have come to know him. I do not regret my decision to join this church, and I believe that I will be a part of it for a long time. I want others to be a part of my church here in my city. I mention this instance of reprogramming only because I believe that good came from it. However, it qualifies as it contians deprogramming content that focuses on some truth, some truth taken out of context (which makes it untrue) and some outright fabrications. Just because I am glad about the end result doesn’t change that fact.

The second of my deprogrammings is more traditional. I had been a disciple(htpd) for about nine months and was looking forward to Christmas vacation. I had already flunked out of school and I was constantly broke. I never had money and I barely worked as a busboy in a resturant in town. I didn’t live with other disciples, I had to move off-campus after I flunked out and I couldn’t find a spot. (I refused to move into an apartment with seven men living in a two bedroom apartment.) When I went home for Christmas, I ended up staying home for almost a year and facing my parents everyday.

You’re Not Going Back to that Church

Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. “

Day one was pretty eventful. My parents had let me sleep in, I had spent an hour praying and reading my Bible and went downstairs in late morning to talk. We ate breakfast and then starting talking about the pink elephant after we cleared the plates. My father sat across from me and stared at me the entire time. I stared back in hatred. I hated being caged in the house and the neighborhood like a criminal. He had asked what I believe about my church. He asked why I didn’t call home anymore and why I refused to come home on the weekends. I had told him that I needed to be at church. (I didn’t want to say that I had to be at church or else, because I didn’t think my friends were like that. I felt it every once in a while, but no one said that to me.) He expressed his hurt and frustration that I had basically shut him out of my life. He was also upset that about the time I started talking about God, I flunked out of college. He blamed the church for causing me to get off-track in my studies. I denied it - the minister had actually rebuked me for flunking out and not listening to his advice when I studied the Bible. My father, however, wasn’t buying it. The truth to him was simple: the church divided the family, it took my focus off school, and it made me a co-dependent weakling.

I had a defense ready against all these charges. I told him that we didn’t agree about what the Bible says about salvation. It wasn’t the church that was dividing us, but the Holy Spirit. I then read him Matthew 10:35-37. I insisted that the minister had pleaded with me to get back into school, but that I didn’t listen. I was afraid of switching majors and didn’t want to disappoint the family. I knew that my reasons for flunking out didn’t make sense, but I apologized for the lies and deceit about school. I pointed out that the church had helped me come to grips with my sin and stop lying and deceiving. I read him a verse somewhere that I don’t remember. I think it was totally out of context. To the last charge, I showed him all kinds of verses about how disciples(htpd) belong to one another (Romans 12:5) and love each other.

My father quickly set aside these arguments: he wasn’t going to tolerate my hiding behind religion to excuse flunking out of college. He was going to fix me and get my priorites striaight if it killed him. I was a failure, a coward, and a lazy, disgraceful son. He loved me, but I had broken his trust. I felt terrible and realized much later that I should have been asking for his forgiveness instead of defending myself as if I did nothing wrong. I had wronged him and the whole family. He would tell me years later that I really wronged myself the worst of all, but I didn’t understand that at the time. I was dismissed from the table, so I went back upstairs and didn’t leave my room for dinner. I stayed upstairs and wept for myself.

That was the end of the first day at home.

In the ensuing days, some mornings started with a challenge to what I believed about salvation. Some started with an eerie silence. No one really knew what exactly to say. After Dad and I traded verses back and forth, he finally declared that I couldn’t use the Bible anymore to defend my doctrine of salvation. He assured me that he didn’t teach what I believed and that he would never lead me astray. He taught what he knew in his heart to be true and retold his salvation experience many times. I dismissed it as emotional and illogical - the Bible was clear about baptism and I figured he was simply avoiding the issue.

Mom, who was silent about doctrine, was only concerned about the race of my girlfriend at the time. She had wanted me to go to a therapist in Elizabeth City so that I could be fixed. She didn’t understand why I wanted to bring so much pain on myself by having an interracial relationship. She told me over and over about the suffering our kids would endure and that their mixed heritage was unfair to them. The world was cruel and she didn’t want the world to be cruel to me. I responded in anger and told her the real issue was that she didn’t want a black grandchild. For the only time in my life, my mother was so devastated by me, she didn’t speak to me. It hasn’t never happened since.

The salvation issue built up for a few days until at some point my father asked me “Do you think I’m going to Heaven?” I told him that i couldn’t judge, but that the Bible was clear. He accused me of avoiding the issue. After a very heated exchange, he physically backed me into a wall and demanded “YES OR NO: DO YOU BELIEVE THAT I AM SAVED?!” When he cut me off for any answer that didn’t sound like Yes or No, I finally took a deep breath and put my hands on his shoulders.

I said in a low voice, “I love you Dad very much, but you are going to bust the Gates of Hell wide open.”

For several weeks after that, Dad expressed his incredulity that his own son thought he was going to Hell. My mother told me that I shouldn’t talk that way. I was moved into the bottom floor of the house with a bed and a separate area to cook and eat. I had a small fridge and other things. I think my parents needed to be away for me for a while, and I welcomed the break.

My friends in Raleigh wrote me letters and called me when they could. They cheered me on to ‘fight the good fight’. Some of them sent me Bible Studies, others cards. My girlfriend sent me a card everyday. I was totally miserable. The Bible Studies began to have a common theme that basically implied that I wasn’t dealing with the situation correctly because I didn’t get up and leave. For a while, I even plotted a dramatic get away where my friends would drive into town and I would sneak out and go back to Raleigh. Deep inside, I knew that was wrong. I still don’t know where that came from - I’d like to think that deep down I love my parents and hoped for reconciliation.

I eventually started going to the small community college in town. My grades were bad at first, but they steadily improved and I felt like I could get back into college. NC State had said that I could get back in under the condition that I seek mental help and demonstrated an academic ability. With college going well and money from two part time jobs being socked away, the only thing left was the mental health. I prayed quite a bit: I was certain that he, like everyone else, was going to tell me that my church was wrong. Things were on track, but Dad and I still had the occasional dispute. When the appointment was set, I took courage that it would only last a brief time.

He was a nice man, but I was confused at why he never told me anything. He asked me all kinds of questions and he seemed to love the strange answers. One thing that I do remember vividly was the question, “What do you want to do with your life?” When I threw up a block, he rephrased it to mention that it didn’t have to be reasonable or affordable or pracitcal. I said that I wanted to get in a Winnebago and drive around the country by myself. He then shocked me by asking, “Why don’t you do it?” I told him that I had to finish college. He pressed deeper. Finally, I admitted that I was part of a church that wouldn’t let me do it, because the Kingdom of God was somehow defined as a 60 mile radius around the building, and that my family would never speak to me because I had to be a success in life. He then asked me why I let other people dictate my life and I argued with him that I was my own man and that no one told me what to do except God, himself.

During this time, my friends told me I had to break up with my girlfriend. They said that I was hurting her being so far away and that because I never wrote or called, I must not really love her. When I protested, it was said that if I really did love her, then I should set her free. I was crushed, but I did it. They were there in town with her, so I figured that they knew how she was better than I did. So one night, I called her and broke up with her.

Lonely, I turned to food for comfort and I gained over 50 pounds. I had given up on God and my father thought that I was making real progress. I figured that my life was going to be a miserable failure from this point onward despite my father’s encouragement. A new leader that just moved into Raleigh called me to see how I was. When I confessed my bitterness and sorrow, I braced myself for the mother of all rebukes. Instead, he said that I needed strength and that I should read 1 Samuel. I did. This was the first ray of sunshine in a long itme.

After nine months at home, I had a chance to plead my case with NC State and gain readmittance. God worked a miracle and I got back in. (Somehow I got an A in a Spanish class that I never attended. The registrar let it go when I mentioned it to him.) I called Dad to tell him that I was back at NC State. He was overjoyed and asked when I was coming home next weekend. I told him that I had church. He cried that night, and I regret that the only think that I was thinking was that I had outlasted him and that I was never going to be crushed like that again.

I think it only fair to say that my father and I have long since reconciled. We enjoy a healthy trust, now and I think the world of him. He is doing a lot of work for my upcoming wedding and he is very excited for me. We call and talk when we can. He has since helped me out of a lot of jams and I was able to be there for him during some tough times in his life. I was happy to ask him to be a groomsman in my wedding.

Back to the point, though, like other times, deprogramming content focuses on some truth, some truth taken out of context (which makes it untrue) and some outright fabrications. Sometimes I think that I was trying to reprogram him and I regret that.