Goldenhar.

Some doctor in 1952 puts a name to something that seemed to happen often enough to merit a name. So he studied it, gave it a proper medical name (OAV – oculo-auriculo-vertebral dysplasia) and at some point, went the way of all flesh.

So I have a name to what is affecting Jasper so much. His ears are different. He has a large piece of connective tissue blocking his left nostril. His ear canals are malformed.

Somehow having a name that covers all of his ailments gives me a power over it. A thing with a name has characteristics to describe it. Once explained, the name alone conveys meaning to others. It makes large and complicated things more portable and easier to handle linguistically and emotionally.

So, my son has Goldenhar’s Syndrome. He may be hearing-impaired for the rest of his life. He may be the butt of jokes because of his ears. The name carries these fears in it as well as the medical definition. It’s just easier to answer the question, “How is your son?” with “he is doing well, but he has Goldenhar’s Syndrome”. Thanks to the internet, you can do your own research into what that is.

I think about the new name written by God for me. (Rev 2:17) I imagine getting to heaven and hearing it from Him directly and knowing that it fits perfectly.

When Jasper was five minutes old, I held him and gave him a secret name known only to me. When he grows to be a man, I will give him this secret name and it will be known only to me and him. It makes me sad that my son may not have heard me whisper his secret name to him. Then again, I believe that God has been whispering my secret name to me during my entire life. I long to listen to Him and discover the new name He has for me. I don’t say this in a pentecostal manner at all – this isn’t a prophecy of anything. However, I know that this new name he has for me encapsulates all the good he put in me. I know that it wil describe my life and make the ideas of ‘who I am’ and ‘whom I was created to be’ so portable and easy to understand.

I want to embrace the identity that God has for me, not the identity I have constructed for myself to show the world.

A large part of that will be determined by stillness and intense listening.