I wanted to ask all of you for prayers, but have not been able to. I have felt really burdened and sad. I thought about trying to focus on real unity, but my only thoughts seemed to be about real division. I thought about frustration with projects, family, church, and myself. After a while, all I had was the sense of frustration and a focus on “what not to do”.

I talked to our minister this evening and it really helped. Without going into detail, I left feeling hopeful. I also left thinking about the difference between “what not to do” and “what can be done”. It’s not like there’s a good pithy quote that was the turning point for me. I’m sure I could create one with enough time. What really struck me, though, was that both perspectives are valid. (Remember the post on the middle path?) I’ve not been holding on to both extremes in my life, I’ve been more and more dedicated to “what not to do”. I found myself with the original demon and 7 of his friends in my heart.

I took these things out on everyone around me. My employer has not gotten my best work. I quit writing altogether. I complained about a lot of things offline. I withdrew into a shell. I said things to my wife I wish I could take back. The list continues ad nauseum.

I’ve decided to focus more on what can be done. The trick is to hold to this and not let go of the other.

I had wanted to write more, but it’s late. I hope to finish this later today.