I’ve discovered that I have become insincere. It’s not like I intended to be this way, but it’s the result of a drift over time. Specifically, I’ve tried to use the phrase, “I have a Mulsim friend” as some kind of currency. In other words, as a way to elevate myself I have pointed at an honorable thing I am doing as a way to look more forward-thinking than I really am.
This myth is officially considered busted.
The truth is, this person is a co-worker and outside of some dialogue a few months about God, Jesus, and the treatment of Muslims in this country, we haven’t spoken much recently. More importantly, though, I haven’t been over to their home and met the family. I’ve not been a part of their life at all. This person has asked for my advice in regards to professional matters, but I have asked them nothing. Is this person really a friend I have? I don’t think so. This is a co-worker and not much more than that.
I grew up in the South and heard a similar phrase pretty frequently.In this case, it was “I have a Black friend”. It was used in the same way, a way to gain some currency in the community. It was a badge saying, “See, I’m not racist, I have friends that are different from me.” But all of us knew whether it was genuine or not.
One good thing I can say about the ICoC subculture is that attempts were made demonstrate real brotherhood across racial and ethnic lines. It later became a propaganda tool as well, but in places the KNN cameras and Geographic Sector Leaders feared to tread, real brotherhood was forged. (And I’m not talking about the gerrymandering to artifically create diverse Singles and College households. This is the real thing where two people from two different worlds share their lives together. There are so many great stories in these places.)
Who is my neighbor? Luke 10:29-37
could have easily been told today like this:
But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
Jesus took up the question and said: “A man was walking to his car and got mugged. The mugger took his wallet, car keys, and even his shoes. Then the mugger beat him up, and fled, leaving him on the sidewalk. An evangelist, on his way to seminar, happened to be going down that road. When he saw him, he passed by on the other side. In the same way, a local minister, when he arrived at the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But an illegal alien, came up to him, and when he saw the man, he had compassion. He went over to him and tended to him as best he could. Then he put him in his own car and brought him to a hospital. Before leaving, he put four hundred dollars in the man’s pocket.
“Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?”
“The one who showed mercy to him,” he said.
Then Jesus told him, “Go and do the same.”
The old answer for me would have been to try and make five new friends that are not like me. It’s pretty childish to do that, mainly because this method did nothing but make me feel better. What I can do, however, is look for ways to help others. This is the working a soup kitchen type of thing, though that’s a great way to serve others. I mean the kinds of things that happen as you go through life. You can buy a couple gallons of gas for the person behind you, offer a kind word to someone grieving, the possibilities are endless. It’s not that these smaller gestures are great in and of themselves. It’s that the practice of the small things prepares us for doing the ‘big’ things.
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’
Comments
9 Responses to “I Have a (Fill-in-the-blank) Friend”
I went to a farm show yesterday. I met a guy that I new from one of my previous ICOC churches and was glad to see him. He is someone that I didn’t get much time with but someone whom I bonded with instantly and had high hopes for our friendship. He didn’t recognize me which usually might hurt my feelings but I dont’ think it did. I let him know who I was and we talked for a bit. He invited me back and I said I was disappointed that they signed the “UP”, (I think he is or was on the board). He said he thought it was the best thing they could have ever done. I don’t know what this has to do with sincerity but I just kind of think he did what he was supposed to. Invite me to church tell me things were bad but their getting better.
I know people get busy with life but when I decided to leave the first ICOC church three people came by and only one still talks or initiates it. When we moved we tried it again but the church just was in bad shape. They said it would be better because the trouble makers left and I knew I was in for it as I said hey I guess I’m a trouble maker. Anyway, left there and my discipler and good friend who was in my wedding never called, emailed or stopped by after that. Many of these people were my best friends. We fought many spiritaul battles together and forged great friendships. Then sin is exposed in the institution and their more loyal to that which is at best suspect than the friends who leave. I can’t remember how many but I spent many hours with people struggling or hurting and wanting to give up. Some are still “faithful” to this day. When it came to my turn no one did. Maybe they new it wouldn’t matter and maybe it just didn’t to them. Anyway, It feels, looks and smells like people that don’t think for themselves or are insincere. I understand the pain at the disappointment in something you put so much stock in cause I had it. But maybe part of why God did all this is because we did put too much stock in it and not Him. Maybe some are still trying to do that?
Great post, Pinakidion. Very humble and humbling.
I would love to say that I have not fallen into that trap recently. (And was actually about to type a comment saying something like that.) But I get a two-by-four upside the head by the Lord…(OUCH!!!…QUIT IT!) who pointed out that I have done the same thing with friends of mine who are from other denominations. “Hey. I AM open-minded. I have friends from [insert denomination here] and we talk all the time.
I honestly didn’t make a conscious decision to build those relationships. And I have been blessed by them in many ways! But it is very easy for me to slip into the same mindset that you are speaking of.
Ain’t that aweful!
Don’t get me wrong, beg. I have been the person not talking to friends that left. There was a forced quality to a lot of friendships that couldn’t survive the thought that the other person was going to Hell.
When I say some good things happened, I don’t mean the Gordon Ferguson “Big Black Brothers” type of thing. (A very similar thing happened to me as well.) Maybe my use of the word ‘many’ is misleading. I could tell 100 stories of ‘real’ friendship and make it seem like it was an ICoC strongpoint. However, if those 100 are out of 10,000 - all I’ve done is misrepresent reality. As I’ve said before, the whole “Be Positive/Don’t be Negative” leads to being dishonest with yourself. (The opposite is also true.)
In any case, your experiences are more common than mine. I’ve got the emails to prove it!
Funny you should mention it….I just a discussion with my kids in which I had an “aha” moment that if the icoc did anything beneficial (big if), it was to cut across some barriers. I do have friends who are different from me, and my kids are actually exceptional at making all kinds of friends. I know this could’ve happened in other ways, but at least it happened.
I’ve emailed some friends in Columbus where we went to church. I’m going to meet some next week when we go there and am very much looking forward to it.
I wonder how much of being sincere and denying yourself have in common. In and of myself I’m an introvert loner. I’d much rather prefer a bag of chips and a movie than someone to talk to most of the time. I can’t remember saying hey I can’t wait to go to church unless it was when I was single and may see that special someone! I didn’t even crave going to the bible talks I lead or to church when I preached. And, up until the end I probably missed five church functions in ten years. Was I being fake, insincere or if I’m denying myself saying hey I’m not like this but I wish I was? I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing some of my old buds.
beg said:
No one? Hey now!
BTW, speaking of friends. I have this friend who used to go to church, but doesn’t anymore, and …
He he he.
Seriously though, I love this. I really think this kind of honesty - coupled with change - honors God far more than ‘doing the right thing’ without thinking.
Salgoud..the “No one did” is from Madison. Three from Columbus..you, SL and BG. Sorry about the confusion.
BEG - No worries, I was just giving you a hard time.
Looking forward to next week. Drive safe.
Got the truck cleaned today. See you Monday evening me thinks.