I have become aware recently of just how stressed I am. Maybe it’s not a surprise to those that know me, but I am talking about stress more than usual.

My wife and I have been talking about things we do that hurt the other in our marriage. The thing I do that hurts her the most is that I am prone to angry outbursts. I wasn’t surprised by that, I have dealt with my temper my entire life. My brother and I refer to it as the family temper as it has been demonstrated through at least three generations.

However, what was surprising to me was the source of the anger. I have tried all kinds of things to modify the behavior, but these fixes are just band-aids for the real issue. The real issue is that I have a limited ability to deal with stress. In my pre-married days, I had comparatively little stress. I would get worked up about something, stress out for a day, then let it go. I could still cope that way now, but only if the amount of stress was limited.

These days, I have dealt with a move, a fight with my former apartment complex, a new marriage, a pregnancy, a car that no mechanic will do any work for, money issues, a job I really do not enjoy, delaying a new business, and of course, the dramas involving the so-called leaders of the ICoC subculture. I don’t think that I have more coming at me than anyone else – I know people with more stress handling it well. The fundamental issue is that I lack the skills to deal with my stresses and as a result take them out on my wife or feel the effects physically. This goes beyond the simple things like “take a walk, recreate, talk it out, etc.” This is a block that will require something more.

My wife is willing to help make the home more peaceful and do what she can. I have also updated my resume to look for a new job. Currently, much of my stress seems to be work-related. I am also looking into professional help. I have to find ways to take pressure off myself and deal with everyday stresses in a healthy way. I appreciate the support of friends, family, church, and others. Please pray for me in this area, I am determined to do something about it.

It used to help to write some things out here and I still plan to. However, I am aware of certain people that have deemed themselves the KingdomThought Police, so somethings will be written privately. I am aware that it will take about five years for anything to be done about whatever I write about the ICoC subculture, but I’d rather not waste the energy.

In any case, I still hope to write more about Dira, my life in general, and the baby. Oh yes, I will be the world’s worst in writing about the baby. Given that I’ll be home for a week with a little time on my hands…