A day of prayer and fasting was held yesterday in regards to the unity proposal.

Now, we wait for this Monday when the list of ratifiers appears on DToday.

After wrestling with this for over a month and posting my thoughts here, I am still choosing to take a stand on this Unity Proposal.

• I can abide the return to discipling partners because it is voluntary and transitory. I do not agree with it, but I am willing to consider myself the weaker brother a la Romans 14 and let it go.
• I can abide supporting HOPE Worldwide again – I believe they still engage in one questionable practice of garnering cash from overseas, but they have eliminated many positions that should not have ever existed. Again, I can consider myself the weaker brother because I cannot prove my perspective to most people here.
• I originally voted for our participationg in the Eurasian Missions Society without sending money. Now, whether we send money or not, they appear to be above board. Besides, Kip has appeared in the Ukraine, so they need whatever help we can send.

I want to be unified with other churches. I do not believe that every individual congregation is an island unto itself.

However, this is the final straw. I cannot abide a return to our bad theology. I cannot abide setting up a shibboleth to see who is towing the party line. Jesus did not pray 1 Tim 4:16 in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed that we would be unified. More importantly, though, most folks here seem to want the unity proposal. Why should I create problems for them? They have wrestled with it and come to different conclusions.

I have prayed and wrestled and hoped for so many things. My faith in change is all but gone and I cannot live with the present reality. Make no mistake, I have not left my church. I am, however, feeling faithless and hugely disappointed. I did not draw this line. Others drew it and asked where I will stand. I stand on one side, and many I know are on the other.

In Grace Based Parenting, Dr. Kimmel says that there are two fundamental truths he wanted to teach to his children:

• You are a gift from God, go make a difference.
• You may struggle doing the right thing sometimes, but you’re forgiven.

I am struggling to do the right thing and I want my son to do the same. The right thing appears to take me on a path that diverges from the path of my friends – and thus I hesitate where I usually push ahead. It may be knightly to tilt when you should withdraw, but I am neither knightly nor noble. I am only a man. I pray and search for God with everything I have.

I will be okay, I just need to express some deep sadness and disappointment. I am still hopeful that things will be different. I still trust that God has His own purposes in mind. I am grateful that He has led me down this path for all its ups and downs, even if this ‘downturn’ feels really painful