Tonight I am sitting on the front porch of my house enjoying the cooler air. It’s amazing what a good wireless network can do for you.

Today, my wife and I unpacked most of the kitchen and tried to get all the parts we need to get the dryer working. The guy at Home Depot said that he didn’t have what I needed for the stove, so it’s back to square one, I guess. Having an old house can have some unforseen disadvantages.

In light of all this activity, it is good to sit here in the quiet and just enjoy the time.

Less than 24 hours ago, one of my best friends and I sat on the end of the porch praying about various things: my baby, his kids, our company, seeing the good things God gives us, being focused, etc. We were up way too late, but it felt good to simply pray with a great friend.

I hear some of my friends talk about “getting back” to various things in their Christian lives. Some want to get back to evangelism, others to Bible Study and prayer. Some want to get back to the security they felt a couple years ago. I think about some of the things I want to “get back to” only to realize that there is no getting back.

The context is quite different, but I think about Jesus telling someone that wanted to follow him that once he started that he couldn’t look back. Ever tried to walk backwards without the help of mirrors? It is possible, I can do it fairly well, but not in the new house, yet. The key is that you have know where everything along your path is located. It’s fairly straightforward to guesstimate where various things are based on what you can actually see. You will get to where you’re going walking backwards.

I get this image in my head that if I am trying to get back to anything, it’s like I’m walking backwards. I know that I’ll get to where I am going, because I’ve made the trip so many times. I know where all the potential obstacles are and I’ve become pretty good at estimate how much room I have, determining if I am walking backwards in a straight line, and I even notice new things after I’ve passed them by. I think if it wasn’t for a simple question, I’d even enjoy the trip quite happy that I can do it.

The question is, “Why am I walking backwards?”

I remember a time when reading and praying were automatic, but I also remember that I wasn’t getting anything out of what I was reading at all. Is that what I want to get back to? Getting into a familiar groove is very comfortable, but what I really want is to read and pray and be with God while I’m doing it. What good is a habit if you do not remember why you wanted to develop the habit in the first place?

I realize that I don’t need to get back to anything. Looking for that past moment of glory is only an act of self-deception. Things weren’t any better back then, they were just different. In light of that, I simply need to keep going with what I already know.

What I want is to pray and read and be at peace in my heart. Looking back at the past 24 hours, I’ve done all three. I would like to make this a habit. Freeing myself from some self-imposed judgement of past performance, I think I can get there.