The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.

1 Peter 4:7

I’ve thought a lot about resolving conflict lately. My wife and I have worked through some recently and I am continuing to work through conflict with church. At the center of each conflict are two sides that are unwilling to change. At that point, the options are compromise, tolerate, or accept. A compromise attempts to make both parties ‘happy’. Toleration means that each party will allow the other party to hold their position, even if they do not like it. Accepting means seeing the other parties persepctive as valid. Not valid for them, but valid for anyone.

Another aspect of conflict is the emotional energy spent. It amazes me that so many of us believe that humans are rational creatures and that being rational will ultimately solve conflict. We’re not. Conflict ends much sooner when the emotional aspect of the conflict is worked through. Sure you can keep yourself from being controlled by your emotions, but you’re feeling them during the conflict. I’m not talking about losing control of your emotions during a conflict. I’m simply saying that conflict generates emotions and those emotions must be taken into consideration to work through the conflict completely.

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In a conflict, I ask myself, ‘why?’ I want to know if I’m just not giving in to the other side because I’m upset or because I really believe what I’m saying. I try to form a sentence, I’m not seeing your perepctive because…