I watched a special on TV about the work of Dr. Vivien Thomas. I realize that parts of the story may have been dramatized for effect, but watching it has moved my heart and my mind in a direction that I want to explore.

It is no secret that I have no trust of all things ICC related and even less trust for those that purport themselves as teachers and advisors to the former congregations. I feel like some have taken advantage of a system that promoted co-dependency to elevate their own positions and attend to the comforts of themselves and their families. I believe that the time for any major change has come and gone with results that are quite underwhelming. I have looked up to a group of people that were long ignored or sidelined only to see them urge caution when action was demanded. I see and hear of injustice, nepotism, crony-ism, and financial mismanagement at the highest levels, and yet there is no one, not even me, that will take it on for more than a brief time. In short, I have hoped and dreamed for a day that I do not see coming soon.

In the movie, Dr. Thomas resigned when others were given credit for his accomplishments. He was right about the state of the US and the effects of segregation. He was right to expect a simple “thank you”. He was truly denied what he deserved on every side. So, for the sake of dignity, he resigned.

The next scene was at his father’s house. The family was talking about the rights and equality and all kinds of things. Upon reflection later, Dr. Thomas noted that something had changed about his brother and that he missed his brother. To the parents, it was a waste that he fought for the right to get equal pay as a teacher, only to resign from teaching a short time later. At the time, Dr. Thomas defended his brother remarking that good was done, but that his brother had to do what he loved to do.

His wife joined him in his quiet reflection and noted that she missed her husband, too. She encouraged him to do what he loved, but he responded that he couldn’t just go back in Johns Hopkins. It was then that he realized, that it wasn’t about Johns Hopkins, injustice, the state of racial relations, or the segregation that still existed at the time: it was about loving what he did.

All of this has struck my heart and mind with a similar thought. I love to teach. I have done it since I was a child. My mother called me ‘homework hotline’ and encouraged me to spend time outside instead of spending it on the phone. I became a trainer at Kinko’s. I became a schoolteacher and spent almost two years trying to get a teaching license. I worked as a computer instructor for five years and recently worked on a Help Desk. I enjoyed all the teaching aspects of my jobs through the years. Recently, I have wanted to take a part-time job to bring in some extra money. The only job I considered was teaching non-credit courses at the local comunity college. My heart tells me that I should be teaching something, because it is what I enjoy. Unfortunately, I stopped teaching some time ago.

I went to a meeting today with all the people that dared to form a ministry over a year ago. We had folks that formed prayer groups, encouragement groups, fitness groups, shepherding groups and all kinds of other ministries. They had all fizzled for one reason or another, but a chance to get others involved is coming shortly. The minister and others were energized at the thought that they could do what they love and inspire others to do the same.

That is, everyone except me.

Today, I was tired. I had a talk with a friend today that included the subject of looking for a church to attend. I had all kinds of thoughts about a business partnership with a good friend. I also had thoughts about the irration of the 40 Days campaign and the embarassment that so many things trigger painful memories of the ICC. (I have been all over the US and even to Rome to talk to the folks I had issues with, doesn’t confronting the pain help it to heal?) I have worked really hard all weekend to do so much, but the website, the recording equipment, and other things I do for church seem to keep breaking. All of it together added up to feeling heartbroken and burned out. I just wanted to sleep.

I think about the scene where Dr. Thomas goes back to John Hopkins and Dr. Blaylock informs him that nothing has changed. Dr. Thomas replied that it wasn’t about it wasn’t about him or the lack of change, it was simply that he enjoyed the work. Ecclesiastes 3:22 is still true, there truly is nothing better than to enjoy your work.

At the heart of the matter is this: I enjoy teaching and I have not been teaching for several months. At the Omaha Church of Christ, I have a chance to teach and I am serving as the head of the teaching ministry. It certainly isn’t because I am an organized man. It is because at the tale end of a meeting right before we were going home, I decided to say, “Why don’t we have a class on the book, Reading the Bible for All It’s Worth?” From that moment to this, I have been respected and honored for doing nothing more than following my heart.

I am accustomed to demanding what it right and fighting for one cause or another. I am not accustomed to receiving honor and praise. Being in that situation now gives me a sense of humility and self-respect. I do not feel worthy of what I have been given. However, I do not feel ashamed because I am not the perfect example of what a teacher should be. Again, all I know is that I sorely miss having a small group of folks, a Bible, and a few stories to tell.

So I think about my past and a feeling that nothing will really change. I still believe that men with important positions are going unpunished. I still believe that our former leader needs medical attention. I still believe that peace is sought at the price of justice. Maybe I am guilty of this as well.

What I know is that I have a chance to teach and that I enjoy the work. If I am offered a chance to teach elsewhere, I will. For now, though, I simply want to teach again and that is exactly what I plan to do.