It’s one of those things that can slip the mind on days like today.

• 168 People Killed
• 19 Children Killed
• 1 Rescuer Killed (Rebecca Anderson)
• 850 People Injured
• 30 Children Orphaned
• 219 Children Lost at Least One Parent
• 462 People Left Homeless
• 7,000 People Left Without a Workplace
• 19% of the population in the city attended funerals for bombing victims

Where was I on April 19, 1995? I was sweating out one last final before finally graduating from college. It was Shakespeare, whom I loved, but having a class at 8am, I was in danger of not getting the ‘C’ I needed to pass.

I was wistful about the future as the King of Bagwell Dormitory. I was about to put aside the crown. I thought about joining the real world and about a woman I was in love with at the time. I thought about visiting home for the summer.

I was also dealing with the excrutriating pain from my busted ankle. I had a temporary handicap sticker and I enjoyed being able to leave my dorm 10 minutes before an exam and still make the exam on time.

While I was pretending to study, I heard that some alien landscape had been hit by a terrorist. It was the first time I remembering hearing that word – it wasn’t until years later I thought about what that really meant. I wondered who would attack a building in Oaklahoma City. It was a federal building, according to the news, but no one was really certain of its signifigance.

I wasn’t scared much until they found McVeigh and his accomplices. I thought, “This guy looks totally normal.” and it made me shudder a bit that I expected someone grotesque. McVeigh is grotesque, but his appearance is not. I guess I wanted his outer appearance to match the crime.

Over time, I went back to my normal life and didn’t think much of it until the Unabomber became media-popular some years later. I do not believe I respect their memories less because I have chosen life and continue to pursue it. I did not know any of them, but if I were one of them, I would want people to grieve for a time and then choose life and get about theirs.

Five years ago, I watched in horror as the second plane struck the other tower on live TV. I ran to my computer and tried to identify the one plane reporters said was still in the air. Minutes before it was announced, I found Flight 93 and watched the blip on my screen that corresponded to its approximate location. When it disappeared, I marveled at why the hijackers decided to attack a field in Pennsylvania. (I know it’s weird, but I really thought that.)

I felt numb for three days afterwards. I wrote a poem about it three months later that is now lost.

Today it appears that the events of five years ago are being used to launch a presidential bid, validate a flagging presidental term, and to point out many presidential errors. The entire country appears poised to remember a pivotal moment in time…

and yet it all feels artifically generated to me. Certainly the families and friends of victims are still suffering genuine loss and will continue to do so. It’s not them, at all. It’s the news coverage and the presidential speech and the cynics saying that it is great that Monday Night football has moved to ESPN because the president cannot interrupt the broadcast. (Irony of ironies, the first game is near Washington, DC!) It’s the coverage of Gov. Pataki and an attempt to paint him as a political opportunist. It’s seeing the videos show over and over and the Discovery Channel dissecting the crashes detail by detail.

Is it me or have we forgotten the people while remembering the event?