This week while reading, praying, and begging God to keep my family physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, I have learned a few things that may not be important to anyone but me.

My mother-in-law has heard me share quite a bit about my church past. I’ve heard her concerns over my wife’s history with the ICoC subculture as well. She respects what we are doing now, but as an expert in restorative justice, she is good at helping people comes to grips with damage done. Oddly enough, though, she just listened.

I read about Kip and the Brother’s Letter and all of that. I felt like someone finally did something. Oddly enough, though, it didn’t make me feel any better. I held my breath as I hoped that Kip would respond to 65 of his friends plead with him to change.

Considering what my son is going through, I feel silly now for any emotional investment I’ve put into the entire situation.

The fact of the matter is that I have dealt with all the harm caused to me personally, but I have not dealt with the reason that I am still angry. I spent 10+ years in the ICoC subculture depending on a leader to shine the light in the dark places of the world. I looked up to Kingdom Heroes and all WSL’s. I prayed for them and hoped that God would guide them to help people everywhere. I felt comforted that I was in Triangle Church, a place much different than other churches I visited within the ICoC. Our GSL was different, our WSL was different, our evangelist was a “worldwide teacher”. I looked to all of them to fix problems I saw in the lives of my friends in the church. I looked to them to change certain aspects of leadership, even within our church.

When the HKL validated my secret resentments, I thought that I had broken free of this behavior. Turns out that I have still looked to certain leaders to fix things. I have been angry all this time that certain men, Douglas Jacoby, Steve Staten, Gordon Ferguson, Sam Laing, and various others of the ‘enlightened’ group known as teachers would address our problems and fix them. When they did not appear to address these issues, I became angry and felt that they weren’t doing anything at all.

Truth is, they are trying to do something, but I do not agree with how they are doing it. So many have been scared of Kip, but nothing was said publically for five years. We have done so much damage through terrible theology, groupthink, and hubris – yet very few risked their titles and positions to do what was right.

I think it is ironic that the message sent to Kip now is the same as almost 30 years ago. I also think it is hypocritical to publicly deal with the Indianapolis split, publically through KNN yet deal with our newest split in secret. (Oddly enough, it’s only because of Kip that the letter written to him to repent is public knowledge at all.) I think it is sad that someone that appears to these 65 brothers to be in such great error go to great pains to fawn over him before rebuking him. If you’ve really been talking to him for years as claimed in the letter, then there is no need to butter him up in half of the letter.

Most of all, I think it tragic that some will think that we have done something by removing the man, but not the theology. McKeanism is still rampant – read the websites of various leaders and it is quite obvious. Read the letter written to Kip, it’s still there. We still shoehorn all of the “one another” verses into “you need discipling”. Discipling, on various church websites, still means getting input of many areas of your life before acting. When you come from such a groupthink, I-need-to-get-permission-to-move-to-another-city culture, how will using the same verses change how people deal with each other? How can the church culture change by putting the same hermenutic on a body of verses?

I have decided that I will not look to these men to fix the issues that remain. I do not believe that they will, however, I pray that God will bless their efforts. Who knows, they may end up to have been right all along. I’m sure they would agree with me that I should not look to them the same way I looked to leaders in the past.

Unification
I have some concerns over the unification of the churches. I had a plan to submit to the unity folks, but re-reading it, I realized that I was trying to codify behavior into the by-laws. Some Mission Societies have a document of guiding principles, I will probably use that in my proposal, but in the end, I realized that I do not trust the nine appointed to do the right things and I do not trust that they know anyone that will do the right things. What are the right things?

• Handle money wisely, do not let overseas missionaries live ‘American’ lifestyles.
• Do not pay board members of the missionary society. At best, the society should reimburse churches for half of the salary of board members, if they insist on being paid.
• Work with other churches, especially groups like Stadia, Let’s Talk, and other missionary efforts.
• Do not create a core set of beliefs, encourage each member church to write their own.
• Stop guessing at the number of unsaved in a given country. We’re counting only those that are not members of our churches.
• Use the phone to co-ordinate with other Missions Societies, not big meetings in hotels. It’s okay, I’m learning that phones are not evil myself.

However, I do not believe it will happen. Shawn Wooten still makes over $110,000/yr to live in Moscow, but he always seems to be in the US. We have tear-filled statements about millions of unsaved in Europe as if we’re the only ones saved. No initiatives have even been considered with other groups, even those that have built faster and better than us. The same people show up at conferences all over the country. Initiatives thus far have tried to put some authority into a central body as if we needed the World Sectors and central leadership all over again.

So, I will submit my ideas and pray to God that he will work things out. I may be surprised, and I hope I will. No matter what happens, I want to remain close to God. What that means specifically is this:

I will be a part of my present church as long as it helps me learn about God, myself, my marriage, and my son. So far, I have learned so much I cannot imagine leaving. I will stay here as long as I feel a part of the family – and so many have poured out their hearts to us.

When we move to another city, I will not automatically look to the ICoC congregation to place membership. I will find a healthy church that respects its members and strives to draw near to God.

If a church is planted in my hometown by the Hampton Roads Church of Christ with Mike Fotenot as elder, I will fight it with all of my being. If Kip or his minions plant a church in my hometown, I will also oppose it. If Kip tries to replant Omaha, I will fight it. I cannot change want people do worldwide, but I can help those whom I love in my spiritual and physical families.

I will stop being afraid to write my thoughts for fear of censorship.

I know, with my son in the ICU, someone will probably say that because I have a lot of stress on me that somehow I should be excused. These are things I thought about long before Jasper, the letter to Kip, and many other things. I say them after much prayer, soul-searching, sharing, talking, hoping, and looking to God to guide me through his word. I say them firmly and with confidence that it is the right things for me and my family. I cannot say it is right for anyone else, they will have to do their own wrestling with God.