In the six reasons I gave for this webblog, the last was fairly cryptic:

Lastly, I write here because I have decided that I am not someone with worldwide influence, so I’m not going to try. I have better things to do at home.

When I went to the International Teacher’s Conference last year in Chicago, I enjoyed being around people that thought differently and had some good ideas. I didn’t expect the academic environment I saw, but I was excited to be a part of it. I found that I had been out of an academic setting for so long, that I was a bit upset at myself. I was also excited because I met and spoke to people with whom I never had access. I talked to folks like Gordon Ferguson and Steve Staten. I was able to see Sam Laing and make peace with my past. I met evangelists and elders from all over and was particularly excited to meet leaders from Europe. Talking to them, I understood just how different the UK situation was from was what described by leaders in the US and by the ICC Discussion Forum. In short, it was a wonderful time, mostly because that is when I asked Laryssa to be my girlfriend.

Encouraged by the company of learned men and women, I briefly considered being one of them. I didn’t feel so alone anymore and we really could discuss anything. However, as the days approach for the next ITS, my enthusiasm has waned considerably. We had a yahoo group and we communicated about all kinds of things. Then, the messages stopped coming. I thought that it might be a function of utility for some of the members of the list. After all, with the tons of email people get, maybe another email listserv is just too much. But when I go to websites of all the conferences that have gone on lately, I undestand more clearly. These guys see each other once a month, twice a month, or even four times a year. Why email when you’re going to see them again?

That’s when I realized that I would never be one of them. They get to fly all over the US and the world on their church’s dime. I spend my own money and won’t take money from the church, even when offered. Douglas Jacoby is the only exception as he makes his living by traveling, so I do not begrudge him that. Still, there is a culture and lifestyle to which I’ll never be accustomed. I want to fellowship and see friends all over the world. However, I never got used to being carted around everywhere to go to conferences, mainly because I worked a real job since leaving college. (I joke with my pastor about not having a real job, but he really does work hard. I don’t joke with him about it anymore, though, because it doesn’t have its intended effect.)

Someone I respect a great deal has written something lately that rings true with me, especially in regards to being ‘one of them’:

Something you people in the ICC ought to be concerned about: With the “demise” (liquidation) of the world sectors and the command structure, each congregation has its own influences. In the past they were known– you followed the chain up to Kip McKean. Now, the chain of influence is SECRET. You never know who your leaders are talking to, who is influencing them, what deals or agreements they are considering, what other agendas are in view, etc.

The cowards who comprised the ICC structure (McKean and the WSL’s and their cohorts) should have confessed and cleaned up the mess instead of just running away. That’s what hired hands do (John 10); they have been exposed. And the present leaders who continue this cover-up have a strange sense of what’s “the baby” and what’s “the bathwater.”

I’m not one of them and never will be. I am from a completely different culture and do not understand the hows and whys of what they do. Because of my background, I tend to be mistrustful when I see a lot of money spent, even if it is for a good reason. I’m sure that the Scott Greens and Frank Kims of the group are not the rule, but I can’t tell from here. It makes me really sad to think about it. There seems to be no room to include an outsider – these guys have been doing these teaching conferences for nine years. These guys have been in the ministry with each other. These guys have been creating schools and been in constant correspondence for years. In those nine years, the most explosive thing they have come up with is “The Golden Rule of Leadership”. Outside of that, it appears to be a group of Sadducees that congratulate themselves on being different and look down on everyone else.

I had delusions of sharing ideas and maybe even being a good influence on others. I enjoyed my talks with Arturo Elizarrarás, in Querétaro, Mexico. He has come up with all kinds of new ideas and is reaching out to Churches of Christ that are not ICC in order to build bridges and many other things. His paper on planting a church with a bible school is wonderful. This kind of correspondence dewindled, however. The last useful email in the group was one from a brother in Kentucky about teaching methods. (He has worked in adult education for years.) The silence of the email group has caused my hopes to fade that there will be future dialogues. Maybe this time, I am being too cynical. It just seems that there are none that want to explore new ideas. All that matters is some sort of damage control. Even worse, all this focus on teaching is just as unbalanced as our previous focus on evangelism. If I can understand all mysteries and faithfully teach the Bible accurately, yet still have no love, then it is all meaningless. Right now, it appears meaningless. An evangelist friend of mine asked me about going to school for a counseling degree or going for a bible degree. I told him thesame thing about balance. This teaching phase is going to pass soon. Why? Because it will be exposed as being just as shallow as the zeal for evangelism.

I still hope for something new, even though I do not see it.

This is why I have no dreams of writing well-polished biblical teaching articles with a eye to worldwide influence. When people come up to me after service and say “I can trust you, I want to open up to you” and that it happens more than once, then I figure that I have a better place to expend my energy. I teach the Bible as best I can, but if folks here know that I love them and truly seek to do them no harm, then that is the best I can hope for. Some of the other folks in the ‘teaching group’ worldwide that I know cannot say the same, it seems. They aren’t home long enough to find out.