I announced on Facebook earlier tonight that I am retiring the pinakidion identity. Since I haven’t posted here in three months, I figure that requires some sort of explanation.

An old friend of mine asked me if anyone calls me ‘bear’ anymore. I had to reply that I tried to change my name back, but it’s too late. All my friends now know me as John. My wife married me as John. The children know my grown up name is John. Only my parents and brother call me “Bear” anymore.

Honestly, I wish I could change that, but it would be even more weird now that the original change almost 16 years ago. So, I will remain John for the time being.

It also got me thinking about the identities I use for the many places I visit online. I spent a lot of time being sycarion to my gaming friends, pinakidion to my religious friends outside the ICoC, John to everyone else. I also spent a lot of time keeping those identities separate. I didn’t change personalities, but I felt like my gaming friends weren’t into religion and my religious friends were not into gaming.

Now, I just don’t feel the need to be separate. I am a religious person and a spiritual person. I hold to certain beliefs that are considered fundamentalists by some. I also love games. I enjoy role-playing games. I love to create worlds with what I perceive was the same deliberation and care as Tolkien did.

I am also a father of a hard-of-hearing child. I am a husband to a very loving and devoted wife. I am a man wrapped around the pinki of my little girl.

It’s time for all of these things to converge because all of these things make up who I am.

The original goal was to be a writing tablet for my thoughts, hence the name. My thoughts went to some dark and lonely places over the years. I never imagined that I would get the attention I did. Still, I said what I needed to say. In retrospect, I was too mild in some of my criticisms of the ICoC. I was too slow to admit some of my errors. I regret some of the more childish things I did in the name of some sense of righteous indignation. To be certain, it was an eventful journey.

A couple weeks ago, I met a young man who is a member in another state. A group of college students came here on their Spring Break to ‘evangelize’ a local campus. Talking to him, I realized that despite certain amounts of ‘filtering’ and even spin, some of the next generation really get it. I am still encouraged by “Unconferences” and online meetups and active social projects by younger people. I realized that things will be different in the next few years no matter what.

I really look forward to it.

With all that said, there’s no place for pinakidion, a voice of the opposition anymore. That time is gone. Now there is time for me, John Payne, to be a writer, gamer, father, Christian, and faithful son. A part of that is changing this place to be a place for all my writing. Another part of that is being my real name here instead of the worst-kept secret identity. To do those two things, a different community needs to visit here.

Vive la difference!